A new wave of leadership

It's not always black and white

Inferiority builds without you noticing it

I battled with a particular university exam. It was the one that would open doors and pretty much change my life. I would study 12 hours everyday. I was worn out after 3 days of studying. But this exam wouldn’t just change my life, but my family’s too.

The pressure I put on myself myself was unreal. Guess what? I kept failing.

I changed something

At a very low point I made a big decision. I was going to study less. Crazy I know, but I decided quality>quantity. Exams are a game. I was trying to get 100% when 50% was what’s required. Most are afraid to say this as they want people to believe they know it all. Truth is; your accountant probably didn’t get 100% in most of their exams.

I understood the basics well, worked on timing and reading more thoughtfully and went out to score marks. If something was very complex I moved on and left it til the end. This changed everything for a perfectionist like me. Every exam since; I look at the requirements, I read attentively and I go out to score. I wrote with conviction and no more being derailed by a 5 mark tough one out of a 200 mark exam.

The game changer for me was when I started dressing well for exams. I would wear a new basketball T or shoes. I don’t understand the psychology but it made me feel good and somehow the swag helped me, or so I believed.

The white elephant in the room

I was a teenager and the police would regularly raid our home for drugs. The lead detective questioning my family would always be a white male. I went to University and the lecturers who taught me were most often white males. I did my CA training and the partners who reviewed and ripped my work to shreds were you guessed it; white males.

I developed a subconscious inferiority complex. I became timid whenever facing a white male. I had a common accent (My R’s didn’t roll off the tongue), high top fade and wasn’t comfortable in a suit. Whereas the typical corporate executive wears a dark blue suit, stripe tie and his hair is gel’d perfectly. I battled in interviews.

Now imagine high-top fade guy goes for an interview. He is so intimidated and most often doesn’t present the best version of himself. My internalised insecurities has built up over time.

I made another big change

I decided to get white male friends. Some became very close and today are like family. I discovered they have issues too and all are not the suit-wearing perfect dudes. Messed up I know, but this fact helped me. Although our problems were different. I realised my struggles helped me cope better, most of the time. I realised the system, especially in South Africa, is very broken.

A few months ago I found what I thought was my dream job. I wasn’t looking. But when a friend sends you a job spec and says you’ll be perfect for this. You read. I would be the lead person responsible for co-ordinating and mobilising the building of schools in poor communities. Obviously I’m your guy. Or so I thought.

I went through the interview process. I killed it. Well, they chose a white male to build schools in black communities. It all suddenly came back - I’m not good enough.

Fortunately the old soul in me learnt long ago; never react in the heat of the moment, be honorable and look at the bigger picture. No doubt the system is broken. But I’m called to disrupt the system positively. And to generalise is unfair.

The new ceo

The new leader can speak to the janitor and fellow directors with the same respect. The new ceo understands the context of different individuals and multi-culturalism. The new ceo is concerned about the people they lead and makes difficult decisions that is driven by integrity.

There’s a bible scripture I really like which says; Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Don’t give your confidence away despite the blows you take. Go to a deeper level of knowing who you are. I was once told (by a white male actually):

“You are a ray of God’s own light. You are from Him. People need you.”